The Return Of First Mate Davis Fincklenickel

The Return Of First Mate Davis Fincklenickel

by Master Gunner James Folfax, featuring ya boy Quartermaster Charles Jenner (9/4/2020)
It has been five years since our Shitty Stories were stolen by LAG. Today, we will get them back (lol). We're gonna need some help. "Hello? Borneo, lt's James. Get the crew ready. We're going to war with LAG.". "Alright, Charles, let's get to the ship now.". So we got to the S.S. Skurvy. Waiting for us were Captain Borneo Galley, First Mate Davis Fincklenickel & Lieutenant Gabriel Villeneuve. "Long time, no see. Let's go beat up some auttirs, literary style.". So we sailed to the LAG Projects, crashing upon the shore. "Gabriel, you mann the ship.". The four of us grabbed some guns n' swords (not pronounced swords) n' headed toward the ugly leaning building that looks like lt survived Cloverfield. We went up the stairs many storeys (lolz) to the 72'nd floor. Then we knocked on the door. "I mean who IS there?" said the evil Doctor Doctor Squmps. "'Tis your enemy, Master Gunner James Folfax.". "hahshahahdh lolz who?". "The guy you stole The Biography Of First Mate Davis Fincklenickel from.". "Oh, that dummy. Come in. I mean I AM right behind you.". "...What the? Anyway...". We went inside. It was terrible. There were auttirs everywhere. Arthur Noodles was admiring his scarf collision. Jotical Seauiywagon was sitting on a keyboard. And Oh, George! Part whatever was scribbling his latest masterpeice into Someone (wink-wink) else's Shitty Story. Then Doctor Snickels Yoldiefloder came out. "Well, lf lt isn't the would-be inventors of Shitty Stories.". "Irony". "Indeed". "I'm just surprised I'm talking to someone who can speak in complete sentences.". "Truth". ... "So, can we have our Shitty Stories back?". "lol no, ur gay." said Arthur Noodles. "We're prepared to fight yous retards for them.". "antoni wabblecanoe, atakk!". "i am Steuben Slammerham, nut antonioni wabblecanoo. Dunt get cunfuze.". "Watevz,  juss kill dem.". Steuben tried to attack us, but SUrPRISE SUrprise en rong STUeBen!!! iyt was is... th "...HEY, I was writing that! Stop stealing our damned stories!". "Oh, look. The Biography Of David Ficklenickel. How majestic. You really like this story. 2 bad. It belongs to LAG now.jk". "Oh, yeah? Well, maybe I'll rewrite The Only Way. See how YOU like lt.". "Noooo, don't do that.". "Then bring us the story.". "But then we'll have nothing.". "What are you talking about?". "Sigh. Before that fateful day five years ago, we had nothing. There were some precursors that we stole, but they never really caught on. We were just a bunch of societal rejects, many of sufferring from loneliness, misery & mental issues. We all live crammed together in this crummy apartment. But now we have money to survive & live a decent life. You're pirates. You steal for a living. It's ironic that you're making us misfits out to be the bad guys. You can just steal anything you want. What the Hell are we supposed to do?". "uh..". "Yeah, we stole your story & your idea, but the fact is that most of the Shitty Stories written over the years are ours, of our own creation. Are you going to try to take that away from us?". "I guess not. But please, let us have The Biography back. And let us take the credit we desserve. Y'all can keep writing Shitty Stories. I rather like what you've written. I've never cracked up so hard in my life, not even during The Biography. Let's coexist, well, as much as we can. We live very different lives. We wrote TBOFMDF as an in-joke. We never intended for lt to catch on or become anything spectacular. You guys turned lt into an art, made lt something to behold. You love lt, we just like lt. I understand that now. Still, at least let us have The Biography back. We really miss reading lt.". "It's yours.". "Thanks". "Well, thanks for coming I guess.". "Yeah, maybe next time we can meet under better circumstances.". "Ye".

Dafuq